I had a nightmare this past week, regarding something very close to my heart, family segregation in our culture, particularly, in our churches. Kevin and I discuss church and family government ideals and theories for hours. (And now that I have been couch-ridden, listening to conservative talk radio all day, I now can involve myself in delightful American government discussions as well!) ANYWAY, this terrible dream involved me compromising my beliefs, and I woke up angry and disappointed in myself, that I failed so miserably in my dream. SO I resolved myself to type out, in essay form, my PERFECT idea on how a church should operate. WOW, what a paper it was! I fixed every problem and issue! I wanted to post it on facebook, post it on my new blog and show the world what the ideal really is. However, the essay was harsh, and I didn't dare show anyone until I showed it to Kevin. So I waited in great anticipation for Kevin to arrive home. Something strange happened after my afternoon nap--I pondered how many dozen people I might offend in a very short period of time, and soon realized that Kevin would not be proud of my heartless essay of high ideals. Later in the day, I closed my document on the computer, hoping Kevin wouldn't even know I wrote it.
That evening, in reading my latest favorite book, "Homemaking" by J.R. Miller, I read this:
"Theories are not half so important as the parents' lives."
"We impress ourselves upon our children less by what we teach them than by what we are."
This was a painful moment, being reminded that theories are fine, but my character and life as a mother, wife and teacher is far more important. My personal and spiritual refinement is FAR more important than burning many bridges with those I love as I try to prove an unnecessary point.
When will I learn?
I will stuff this printed essay in the depths of my journal, and hope my truck of journals burns sometime before I die.
AND I am thankful that Kevin encourages me to seek the betterment of others.
Open heart and open soul. Sometimes those tucked away notes we put in our journals are the best teaching tool we have for ourselves in the future. Thankfully God may have showed you something right away to learn from. Awesome post.
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